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lyrics

Falling off a cliff to your rocky doom
Getting your legs caught in a weaving loom
Being impaled upon the antlers of a buck
Having your face run over by a Mack truck
Submerging yourself in molten lead
Driving a circular saw into your head
Starving until you are nothing but bones
Choking to death on a push button phone
Eating bad mushrooms ‘til you puke out yer guts
Letting a guy beat you with coconuts
Stubbing your toe on the coffee table
Sticking a pitchfork through your navel
Having diarrhea ‘til your colon falls out
Getting your arm bitten off by a trout

49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die

Swimming in a pool of piranha fish
Getting trapped under an enormous knish
Going down a slide leading straight to hell
Tripping on a rock and falling down a well
Using a hacksaw to try to shave
Being gunned down by a guy named Dave
Putting out a cigarette in your eye
Leaping off the Eiffel tower so you can fly
Standing in the pathway of a Greyhound bus
Drinking 60 gallons of buzzard pus
Shoving lit dynamite down your throat
Getting bit by a snake with no antidote
Walking in front of a runaway train
Getting pummeled by cashews ‘til you’re driven insane

49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die

Slicing your wrists with a razor blade
Drinking all the poison in a can of Raid
Getting your nuts bit off by a dalmation
Being strangled by a lei on Hawaiian vacation
Not eating enough iron in your diet
Ripping out your liver and having someone fry it
Detonating a nuclear device on your house
Pulling out your pancreas and feeding it to a mouse
Chopping off your genitals in your mom’s new blender
Being mowed down in a sniper’s bloody splendor
Getting trapped under a mountain of Jim Ed Brown tapes
Stuffing your face with 147 grapes
Imploding several times until you are gone
Stepping on a land mine in your front lawn
Stabbing yourself with an obsidian dagger
Getting false signals from a construction work flagger
Choking on a huge tobacco chaw
Being head butted by the Pope John Paul
Poking out your eye on a hat marked Dunce
Picking the same scab for 28 months
Having all of these things happen at once

49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die
49 ways to die

credits

from Loose Change and a Box of Good & Plenty, released August 25, 2020
Lyrics: Toxic Brain, Jake, Stu

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The Flaming Intestines Cincinnati, Ohio

From the beginning of time, The Flaming Intestines lived in a trailer park, located due East of the Magma Core of the Earth. A suburb of Hell. One afternoon as they were practicing for an upcoming gig, an unexpected surge of molten lava swept them away in its current. Eventually, they were spewed upward and out of the mouth of a normally dormant volcano in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. ... more

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